you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
