he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
