suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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