Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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