my being single is dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
