I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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