Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
