how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
