i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
