I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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