he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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