The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
