Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
