maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
