# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I look better un-naked...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
