What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
