remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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