My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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