she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
