i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
