I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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