I wish I could teleport
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
