He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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