How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
