cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
