well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
