I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
