ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
