Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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