Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
