Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
