Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
