Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
