I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy sore nipples Batman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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