I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
