my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
