Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your dad touched me again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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