i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
