It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
