How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
