Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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