at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
