I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
