She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
