My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
