In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
even my farts smell like vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
