I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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