I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
