it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wear drunk well.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
