I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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