tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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