I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How external is "for external use only"?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
