I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
