I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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